The Year of Recovery: 2015 Part 1

For 2015 I had kept a journal. On New Years Eve I had managed to finish the journal and look back through it all. This past year was my year of recovery. While I had been long out of my abusive relationship, it took some time for me to realize the extent of its impact on my life. By the beginning of the year, I had broken down. The high that I felt immediately after the break had worn off. The energy I had gained from the freedom waned. Everything slowed down and I started to see things within myself that I was otherwise distracted from by all external possibilities. My Fall 2014 semester at NYU was my worst semester by far. I had so many things interfering with my newfound zeal for life that I gained that previous spring. Worsening illness and family problems put me in a state of chronic stress that led to my crash at the end of the semester. Once that semester ended, I felt so numb and empty. The zeal I had before had no stable foundation to latch onto. Hopelessness and aggravated depression filled its place. I made a bed in that dark hole I was in and I cried for day. I felt robbed.

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Short Rant. Never forget – YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL.

Too many times. Too many times feelings of shame and self hate were encouraged. Some days I sense those feelings creeping back. Unworthiness, evil, disgusting, “hell-bound.” But no more. Not one more second. I refuse. I am beautiful. I am amazing and so worthy of making the most out of this fleeting life. You, too, are beautiful. Screw what anyone else says.