The Year of Recovery: 2015 Part 1

For 2015 I had kept a journal. On New Years Eve I had managed to finish the journal and look back through it all. This past year was my year of recovery. While I had been long out of my abusive relationship, it took some time for me to realize the extent of its impact on my life. By the beginning of the year, I had broken down. The high that I felt immediately after the break had worn off. The energy I had gained from the freedom waned. Everything slowed down and I started to see things within myself that I was otherwise distracted from by all external possibilities. My Fall 2014 semester at NYU was my worst semester by far. I had so many things interfering with my newfound zeal for life that I gained that previous spring. Worsening illness and family problems put me in a state of chronic stress that led to my crash at the end of the semester. Once that semester ended, I felt so numb and empty. The zeal I had before had no stable foundation to latch onto. Hopelessness and aggravated depression filled its place. I made a bed in that dark hole I was in and I cried for day. I felt robbed.

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Dreams

Dreams are hard to come by

Falling
Tripping
Stumbling

Life does what it can Continue reading

The Heart

Does your heart ache
With a yearning
So strong
It squeezes
Until
It can barely take a beat?

The heart
So powerful
Yet so clumsy
Barely able to handle
It’s own strength

Squeeze and squeeze
Hard to find that release
That moment to let
The blood
Flow

Out into every crevice
Every single cell
To nourish, to love,
To bring the dead
To life.

– Sarah Mansour